The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter: June 28, 2024

You want lightsabers? We got lightsabers!

Hello There

Good morning and welcome to this week’s edition of the Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter. There’s a lot to cover today. We had a banger of an episode of The Acolyte and a random member of the Jedi Council has set the internet on fire. Well, maybe there isn’t a lot to cover today. But I wrote a lot of words about them. So that should count for something.

If you’re a subscriber, now is the perfect time to tell a Star Wars loving friend about Death Star HR. Or tell one of those Lord of the Rings weirdos and try to convert them. Now, let’s get to it.

---

This Is Where The Fun Begins

I had two different people send this to me.

obiwanreels

A post shared by @obiwanreels

No lies detected…

---

The Acolyte - So…That Was Something

Up until Episode 5 of The Acolyte, “Night,” my general feeling on the show was I’d put it in the good-but-not-great category. Better than the poor put upon Book of Boba Fett but not in the same galaxy as the first two seasons of The Mandalorian or Andor. And then…and then we got “Night” which completely flipped the script.

Just a reminder there are going to be spoilers. A lot happens in “Night” so if you don’t want to do, I’d skip down. Although the section below has Episode 4 spoilers. Just go watch the show.

Going back to when the promotional material for The Acolyte started coming out, it was advertised as a Jedi murder mystery. Well, after four episodes and the deaths of Jedi Masters Indara, Torbin, and Kelnacca, I figured we might be done with named Jedi deaths until maybe Sol gets his in the last episode. I was not expecting a bloodbath worthy of a John Woo or Quentin Tarantino movie. I mean, Yord got casually whacked like he was an extra mobster in a Scorsese movie. I actually thought Yord, the ultimate rule-following Jedi with a lightsaber stuck up his ass was going to make it. But no. Not even a carefully ironed Jedi cloak and a six-pack could save him.

I’ve been trying to imagine how the writers room for this episode went. I’d imagine if was something like “let’s just make the entire episode a lightsaber duel, except for the part where Jecki and Mae square off using Force Fu.” You know what, it worked. I’m here for it.

But, we’re here to talk about Qimir, AKA Darth Smiley. I am happy that all the evidence pointed to him and the show did the logical thing and it wasn’t Luuke Skywalker or Darth Bane under the mask. All the evidence pointed to Qimir, and when Jecki broke his mask in an awesome move, it was revealed she was fighting Qimir.

I had floated the theory after Episode 4 that the Sith was Mother Koril. My reasoning was basically she more than anyone has a grudge against Sol, Indara, Torbin, and Kelnacca. She was already a Thread/Force user. Her body wasn’t seen at the fire¹. It’s not a stretch to think she could escaped Brendok, learned the ways of the Dark Side, and through the Force/Thread was able to find Mae. You know, someone else with a grudge against those four Jedi.

I’m going to go out on a limb here, there is another Big Bad* out there. This is a prime example of misdirection. Let’s examine the evidence, this is a murder mystery after all.

• There are still 3 more episodes. You gotta do something with them. I do think it is likely we’ll get another flashback episode where Sol explains everything to Mae/Osha. And there’s obviously going to be some kind of show down with Mae and Osha. But there’s still plenty of time for another baddie to reveal themselves.

• Somebody trained Qimir. The dude took out what, seven Jedi Knights and a pretty skilled Padawan? Are we going to get to meet that person? What if they were a Thread user and not a Force user?

• Yord says Qimir got in his head. Osha said her mom could do that. Not a stretch to think Mother Koril could have that Thread talent as well.

• We don’t know why Qimir is targeting the Brendok Jedi. Let’s say for the sake of argument, Qimir is just a straight up Sith who hates Jedi because Sith hate Jedi. What would be the chances he somehow either decides to kill those Jedi, or that he meets Mae and she, as the apprentice/acolyte, is able to convince her master to kill those Jedi.

• The events of Brendok have not been fully explained. On one hand, the show has almost telegraphed we’re going to get another flashback episode when Sol tells Osha he’ll explain everything. All we saw from the fire was Sol. We still don’t know what the other 3 were doing, why Torbin felt guilty about it, and why Kelnacca had the Witches symbol all over his house. Those three weren’t back at the ship playing sabacc when the fire happened.

• Qimir isn’t a master, he’s still an apprentice. He tells Sol he’s looking for an acolyte, not an apprentice. On the other hand, Qimir also doesn’t seem big on labels. He doesn’t outright say he’s a Sith…

  

  It could be more misdirection, the Sith aren’t exactly known for their honestly.

• Qimir and Mother Koril have one more thing in common. They just want to use the Force in their own way. They’re not the ones claiming the monopoly on it. The Jedi are. The Witches just wanted to be left alone on Brendok with their coven. Qimir claims he just wants to use the Force how he sees fit?

• Although they haven’t said it, The Acolyte may be the most explicit in viewing the Force as a religion outside of maybe KOTOR II. If you think of the Force as God, then the Jedi, the Sith, the Witches, the Guardians of the Whills are all just different sects. Which I guess makes Darth Bane the galaxy’s version of Space Martin Luther, nailing The Rule of Two to the door of the Jedi Temple.

I think by now I’m telegraphing my point the same way The Acolyte telegraphed that Qimir was Darth Smiley. And I’ll come out and say it. I’m either going to look like I have Jedi powers or I’m going to look pretty silly. Mother Koril trained Qimir. We’ll get a reveal of her as the puppet master eventually. Also, if I’m right, it’s tough to really call her a “bad” guy. All she wanted to live with her coven and raise her kids, and then some crazy space wizards showed up and ruined everything.

Quick hits from the episode itself:

The Good:

• Lightsaber duels. I know I know, recency bias. But the Jecki/Sol/Qimir duel might be the best live action one since the Duel of the Fates?

• The return of cortosis. This one is for the Sickos. cortosis was similar to beskar, in that it could stop lightsaber blades and short them out. That’s why at key moments during battle, the Jedi would be looking at their lightsabers like a flashlight with weak batteries. Also, cortosis plays a big role in the Legends Darth Bane novels. The originator of the rule of two got his start as a humble cortosis miner before doing the whole Sith thing.

• Qimir’s reveal. Mostly discussed above. Even thought when it was made obvious that Darth Smiley was Qimir, the reveal was so perfect. Jecki breaking his mask quickly followed by her death. And then he looks up and you see who he is. Also, I loved how his voice and mannerism quickly changed when he sees Mae.

The Bad:

• The Jedi and children. The Jedi basically steal children from their families, brainwash them in their religion, and then use them as child soldiers. Qimir has a point. Sol brought Jecki on the mission.

• Osha and Mae doing a Parent Trap. Do we really think Sol and Qimir wouldn’t be able to tell they’re with the wrong sister?

Wildcard:

• Bazil in is danger! He’s going to be a hero. I just hope he doesn’t die a hero’s death.

---

Ki-Adi-Mundi: Too Woke to Live. Too Based to Die

First off, I didn’t realize that Ki-Adi-Mundi (KAM for the rest of this piece) had double hyphens. There are a lot of Star Wars titles that use the double colon, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords, for example but you don’t get a lot of the double hyphen.

Why am I here? Time and space no longer exist. Source

If you’re not a Sicko and you’re trying to remember who KAM is, he was first introduced in The Phantom Menace as the dude on the Jedi Council with the quasi-cone-head. I believe he has the third most lines of anyone on the Jedi Council, behind Yoda and Mace Windu. He’s the one who doesn’t believe the Sith could have returned despite Qui-Gon Jinn being attacked by a Force user with a totally awesome red lightsaber. KAM also didn’t believe the Count Dooku could be a Sith. Dude is not known for his insight. He also made a guest appearance on last week’s episode of The Acolyte and became the latest victim of the never-ending and all-consuming culture war.

The Acolyte Episode 4 featured an appearance from Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi, who famously dismissed the threat of the Sith in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. However, Mundi's appearance in the Acolyte ended up contradicting some official details about his age listed in auxiliary literature for Phantom Menace. Wookieepedia's team updated Mundi's page with the new canon established by The Acolyte – and received [allegedly]² death threats for doing their job. 

Just to be clear, if you are tweeting death threats to Wookieepedia editors, please stop and reevaluate your life. But it gets better³. It was alleged the source of the threats towards Wookieepedia came from fans of YouTuber Star Wars Theory. To be clear, Mr. Theory has denied telling his fans to attack Wookieepedia and from the videos I’ve seen, he is correct about. Some people on the Wookieepedia “side” decided to tweet death threats to StarWars Theory. Look, I saw a screenshot of some of the threats. Arguably at most two of them are an actual death threats. The rest are your run of the mill internet babble. But come on, guys⁴. This is just silly.

So why were a section of fans mad? Because under previously established canon, KAM shouldn’t have been alive during the events of The Acolyte. Prior to last week, it was established that KAM was born in 93 BBY⁵ and died in 19 BBY during Order 66. However, The Acolyte takes place 100 years before The Phantom Menace, which would put the events of the show around 130 BBY, give or take a few years. How can KAM be a seemingly middle-aged Jedi in 130 BBY when up until episode 4 he was born in 93 BBY? That’s a fair question.

Another fair question? Are all these people actually mad about KAM’s appearance? Because let’s be honest here. If you polled 1,000 Star Wars fans, I don’t think you’d get a single one would who say Ki-Adi-Mundi is his or her favorite character. I don’t even think you’d get one if you polled 10,000. I’m even willing to bet the guy who played KAM wouldn’t pick him as his favorite character. Maybe if you asked 1,000 Star Wars fans to pick their favorite character on the Jedi Council from Phantom Menace AND they couldn’t pick Yoda or Mace Windu…well, KAM might get some votes then. But I bet he wouldn’t beat out Plo Koon. Cause Plo Koon rocks.

Or is it that you have a group of people that already hate almost everything Disney⁶ has done with Star Wars and will take any excuse to rage at Kathleen Kennedy and Disney. I think it’s probably that.

I’m not going to completely let The Acolyte off the hook here. There’s really no reason for ret-conning KAM into the show. What purpose has he served in the show so far? Was he just there so fans can do the Leo pointing meme when he shows up? If you want to throw the fans a bone and give us someone to point at, there’s a funny-talking little green guy on the Jedi Council who is definitely alive during The Acolyte. So far at least, KAM hasn’t added anything to the story. There’s nothing he does in Episode 4 that any other generic Jedi couldn’t do. I’m honestly a little surprised that Disney signed off on adding him. Talk about just stepping on a rake for no reason.

Sideshow Bob’s head has KMA vibes

There may be a perfectly good reason we’ve yet to see as to why KAM was a character in The Acolyte. But in the meantime, let’s all go touch grass. Although not if you live in Texas. It’s too hot out.

---

Things My Wife Has Said About Star Wars (Fans)

Another day of getting trolled by Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan.

She knew she was getting a Star Wars nerd when she married me. The cat dad part was unexpected for her though.

---

This Day in Star Wars History

Three births worth mentioning and one introduction, so to speak.

• Erik Bauersfeld was born on this day in 1922. He provided the voices for Admiral Akbar and Bib Fortuna. He also auditioned for Yoda but lost out to Frank Oz.

• Ken Wannberg was born in 1930. He was the supervising music editor for the Original Trilogy and the Prequels.

• Richard Chew was born in 1940. He was an editor on A New Hope and won an Oscar for it, which he shared with Paul Hirsch and Marcia Lucas. He was also an editor on Singles, which has nothing to do with Star Wars but has an amazing soundtrack. The 90’s were so good for movie soundtrack albums.

Also on this day in 1978, we met Boba Fett. Approximately 5 months before his cartoon debut in the Star Wars Holiday Special and just under two years before his live action debut, we got to see an all-white Boba Fett in a Lucasfilm screen-test. And by we, I mean Lucasfilm people. Not the general viewing public. But, Lucas did release that screen-test.

---

From the Depths of Wookieepedia

Since we were talking about Sith or maybe-Sith Force users, this week we’ve got the High Rites.

The High Rites were a series of ancient Sith rituals and acolyte initiations that were considered part of the Upekzar Mysteries. Like the Rites of Fire and the Cold Rites conducted by the ancient Sith at other sites along the Circle of Visions, the High Rites were undertaken within an elaborate volcanic cave system and involved the use of the rhak-skuri, an insectoid subspecies of diplura whose pheromones were known to generate nightmare-like hallucinations in certain humanoid species.

Sounds like the time I joined Skull & Bones.

---

News From the HoloNet

Seeing red: Inside The Acolyte's shocking bloodbath and big villain reveal

Worth the read. Trust me.

Amandla Stenberg’s Account Of Crashing A Furry Party Just Keeps Going And Ends With ‘I Think That’s What Life Is Really About’

Was there any people dressed as Ewoks? What about Wookiees?

Tupac Shakur Was Almost A Star Wars Jedi

Would like to hear the Max Rebo Band’s version of “How Do U Want It”

Bryce Dallas Howard Confirms She Directed an Episode of STAR WARS: SKELETON CREW

I liked her episodes of Mando, this should be fun.

George Lucas did not consider the Star Wars Expanded Universe canon: "I haven't read any of the novels. I don't know anything about that world"

Can’t blame George. I’d be mad too if I read something from Timothy Zahn or Matthew Stover and realized they write much better dialog.

The Acolyte Showrunner Teases Even More “Major Mysteries” for Season 2

Will there be season 2? Hard to see, the future is.

---

That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.

1. I need to watch episode 3 again to confirm this but I have read it.

2. Adding the allegedly since I have not been able to find copies of any death threats towards Wookieepedia editors.

3. And by “better” I mean much worse.

4. You know it’s dudes behind this.

5. Before the Battle of Yavin. Weird way to measure time, but OK.

6. Do the hardcore haters hate Rogue One or Andor?