The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter: May the 4th, 2024
Get up, it's May the 4th!
Hello there
What the what? A second Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter this week? On a Saturday no less? Of course there’s another Death Star HR, it’s May the 4th. The most important day in the Star Wars calendar. Or maybe it’s the most important Star Wars day on the Earth calendar. Either way, it’s Star Wars Day. And that means there’s going to be some extra Death Star HR in your inbox. I went and watched The Phantom Menace in theaters and it made me feel a type of way. The Mouse House reminded the fans how special we are. I did another nostalgia trip on another 25 year old movie. And I dig into the personal collection for this week’s merch corner.
Just a reminder I was on a podcast recently so if you haven’t checked that out, I’d invite you to do so. It’s basically me rambling about Star Wars like I do here, but you get to watch and listen to me do it instead of reading it. And my cat shows up.
So happy May the 4th, everyone. I appreciate you reading this and if there’s another Star Wars fan in your life, today is the perfect day to tell them about Death Star HR. Now, let’s get to it.
This Is Where The Fun Begins
An oldie but a goodie.
Just doing some Sith stuff here.
The Phantom Menace 25 Years Later
Just to be clear, I didn’t take May 3rd off of work for the specific reason of going to watch The Phantom Menace. I already had the day off, the thing that was going to happen that caused me to take the day off fell through, and I ended up with a free day to go watch a Star Wars movie. The Force works in mysterious ways.
I couldn’t decide how I wanted to approach writing about seeing TPM on the big screen. There’s no need to rehash the movie, if you’re reading this newsletter you’ve seen the movie and you made up your opinion on it a while.
So way back in May of 1999, George Lucas unleashed Episode I upon us. It was the first new Star Wars movie I got to see in theaters. People my age came into Star Wars fandom at a weird time. We were too old to be part of the original generation of Star Wars fans. I was negative 3 years old when A New Hope came out so I don’t have those memories of being 10 years old in 1977 and seeing the opening shot with the Star Destroyer and having my mind blown. But we’re too young to be a Prequel Kids. I was 19 when TPM hit the theater. Yes, there were some awesome scenes but it wasn’t a life changing experience for me like it may have been for someone 10 years younger. I came into seeing / having seen the OT and then seeing the Special Editions a couple years earlier in the theaters and being well versed in what was then called the Expanded Universe, what is now called Legends.
So I went to the movie theater not really knowing how I would react.
As I sat in the dark at Alamo Drafthouse with probably 8 other people, the opening crawl took me back to being 19 again. And while I was too old to have the movie imprint on me the way it probably did for the 9 year old people watching it, 19 was a pretty good age to see it at. It was a point in my life where I had no real responsibility. It was the summer after my freshman year of college. I was working some dumb part-time job so I’d have gas money. If I was bored, long time real-life and Death Star HR friend Obi-Wan Kenippy and I would just decide we’d go see TPM again. I’m not sure how many times we saw TPM, more than a well-adjusted human being should. I was positive I still had my ticket stubs saved somewhere, I do have some hoarder in my DNA, but I can’t find them. Should they surface, I’m post them later.
Anyway, it was a real nostalgia hit to see “Episode I/THE PHANTOM MENACE” crawl across the screen. I can’t remember what 19 year me thought when he saw that the first paragraph had to do with taxation of trade routes. Probably felt like I was back in college and somewhat confused.
Along with plastic stuff, Star Wars is in the business of selling nostalgia. It’s been on my “topics to really write about” list for a while. So much of what it’s trying to do is give you that same feeling of being 10 years old in 1977 and seeing that Star Destroyer go overhead. Or how your mind was blown in 1980 when Vader informed Luke of his parentage. And now it’s not just the fans of the Original Trilogy, the fans who were raised on the the Prequels and The Clone Wars are now old enough to either A) have families of their own or B) have enough discretionary income they can help contribute to Disney’s bottom line.
In the end, whatever cynical feelings I have about our nostalgia-based entertainment economy faded away as I sat in the dark for two hours and got transported back to being 19 when the only thing that really matters was moving the movie along so we could get to the duel with Darth Maul. That’s why nostalgia sells, it’s a temporary solution.
Quick thoughts I had while watching the movie.
I’ve floated this theory before, with all the politics and taxation talk, Lucas really wanted to write a political thriller a la All The President’s Men but knew there had to be lightsaber duels or the fans would revolt.
Star Wars on the big screen is how Star Wars is meant to be seen. I like the TV shows and I like being able to watch from my own couch, but you can’t beat it at the theater.
Jar Jar, Watto, and the Neimoidians have not aged well, at all.
It’s a weird mix of CGI that still looks really good and some CGI that looks awful.
Mace Windu exasperation when dealing Qui-Gon is palatable. His expression clearly says “I’ve had enough of Qui-Gon’s bullshit over the years.”
I’m not sure Ewan McGregor has aged. The man looks about the same in Obi-Wan Kenobi as he does in TPM. Must be some Darth Plagueis Sith magic.
I specifically watched for signs of Darth Jar Jar. No other Gungan does a 20 foot jump in the air like he does. And of Jar Jar waving his hand before suggesting something does happen. Darth Jar Jar is real.
I wonder how many times Natalie Portman has heard “are you an angel?”
Has Natalie Portman had more people ask her if she’s an angel, or tell her that they don’t like sand?
Somewhat related. I once had a drink at the Stanley Hotel, aka The Overlook Hotel from The Shining. I thought about asking the bartender if he was a ghost, but figured he’s heard it a million times and decided not to.
There are people who think the pod-racing scene goes on too long and I do get where they are coming from. But seeing it again on the big screen, I wanted it to go on another lap.
Theed is basically an Italian renaissance looking city. It’s all old and fancy and what not. And then in the middle of it, you have a giant power generator that looks like it was straight out of the Death Star.
Also, you have laser gates preventing people from going through. But not a single guardrail so people don’t fall over the side. The Republic OSHA department is not good.
Finally, the Duel of the Fates (both the scene and the music) is so awesome. It’s worth the price of admission right there. So good.
Disney Really Loves Us
I mean, they love our dollars more. But the people making Star Wars love us.
It is easy to think Disney just views each of as a walking wallet, our chain code is our credit card number. And that may be true. But what makes Star Wars fun is the community. As I said when I went on Brian’s Podcast, when I started Death Star HR I had no idea if anyone if anyone would read this besides my friends that I forced to sign up. Instead, I’ve found another Star Wars community on Substack filled with all sorts of other Star Wars lovers and every person brings a different perspective on the galaxy far, far away. Also, next Star Wars celebration in the US, I am absolutely going.
The First Rule of the Jedi Council is…
Does anyone else remember how one of the trailers shown at The Phantom Menace was the teaser for Fight Club?
That was the best version I could find. I know there were two other trailers released as well, but for the life of me I cannot remember what movies they were and so far my google-fu has been unsuccessful. Clearly, they didn’t make much of an impact on me.
After putting out a distress call to some friends, an old college roommate, known only as the proprietor of Ord Mantell’s finest Irish pub came through. According to him, the other movie trailers shown along with Fight Club were The Beach, Anna and the King, and Titan A.E.. That does jog my memory and I do vaguely remember those trailers, although I haven’t seen any of the movies.
I also watched Fight Club this week and it actually holds up. Pitt, Norton, and Bonham Carter all turn in great performances. David Fincher’s direction is great as always. The script is tight, I believe Chuck Palahniuk has even said he prefers the movie ending to the ending of his book. I will say the idea of wiping out debt by blowing up the headquarters of the credit card companies when we’re now in the age of cloud store seems a little silly. It’s like how The X-Files doesn’t work in the age of everyone having a smartphone. It’s also a movie that would never be made today. Or at least not by one of the giant studios. Not because it’s too problematic or anything like that, but it’s just too out there. It would get in the way of whatever C-list Marvel character is going to get a movie or the 12th reboot of Ghostbusters.
The movie is a low key favorite of mine. But if I meet someone else who says the same thing, I regard them with suspicion until I know whether or not they think Tyler Durden is the protagonist. He’s not. You don’t want to be Tyler and if you meet someone who thinks of Tyler Durden as their role model you should probably run.
As a lover of irony, I really enjoy the fact that a trailer for a movie which is a scathing critique of capitalism, consumerism, and toxic masculinity was released with a movie that produced literal tons and tons of mass-produced plastic trinkets, a good chunk of which can probably now be found in a landfill or clogging our oceans. And for what? Was anyone’s experience of watching the movie itself really improved because you had 77 action figures or an inflatable Darth Maul chair?
That doesn’t even get into The Phantom Menace could be seen as the coming out party for the more, ahem, problematic elements of Star Wars fandom. Jake Lloyd quit acting in 2001. He claimed it was due to bullying and harassment after TPM came out. Although recently his mother claimed that wasn’t the case. Ahmed Best was so hurt by the abuse he got for playing Jar Jar that he contemplated suicide. That’s not OK. These were actors doing their jobs. It’s not their fault. Harrison Ford famously said to Lucas, “You can type this shit, but you can’t say it.” We should be coming at Lucas with the torches and pitchforks, not Lloyd and Best. Wait, no. We shouldn’t be doing that. No mobs. But it’s not a stretch to look at Project Mayhem and see the Space Monkeys going from complaining about Jar Jar to blowing up buildings.
I haven’t seen The Beach, but from what I read there are some of the same themes of alienation with modern life. I like to think there was someone at Fox who thought it would be fun to slip trailers for a couple subversive movies into the biggest blockbuster of the year. But more likely it was Fox had a Brad Pitt and a Leo movie they needed to promote.
Great Moments in Star Wars Merchandising
There are so many to choose from. At the movie theater they played a collection of commercials for all sorts of TPM merch and tie-in deals. Some I remembered or at least remembered the product they were pushing. There were a few commercials for the action figures, something I had plenty of. While there are plenty of commercials on YouTube, I couldn’t find a competition cut. So I’m just picking one at random.
I am pretty sure that I have some of the toys from Taco Bell in a box somewhere as well. But today, we’re going to feature something out of my personal collection.
Pepsi was one of the biggest advertising partners for TPM. There were 24 cans, each with a different character on them. 8 each from Pepsi and Mt. Dew and 4 each from Diet Pepsi and Pepsi One. I am still somewhat surprised I was able to get a complete set. I am not a big pop drinker. And even if I am going to, Pepsi products are pretty low on my list. I’m not surprised however that I felt I had to have a complete set. As I started earlier in the newsletter, there might be a little hoarder in my DNA.
There is something that I really want to draw attention to though. Darth Sidious is can number 8, Darth Maul1 is 9, and Jar Jar Binks is 10. To me that says Jar Jar is next in line to be Sidious’s apprentice. More proof that Darth Jar Jar is real!
Also, a video from people at a Toys R Us in Florida waiting in line for Episode I figures.
I want to be clear, as someone who went to a Toys R Us at midnight for Episode I figures, I don’t post this video to mock or ridicule anyone here. Instead I share it for this screen grab.
That is a woman who is seriously contemplating all the choices in her life that lead her to standing outside a Toys R Us at midnight.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
Not Phantom Menace related, but the randomnizer gave me one of my favorite topics. Food in Star Wars. We’ve got Wasaka Berry Pie. It not only has wasaka berries but it also has Kashyyyk wheat flour. Interestingly enough, the entry for Kashyyyk wheat flour states that it is not actually made of wheat, but doesn’t state exactly what it is. Wasaka berries are actually berries though. But if it’s not wheat, then how do you make the pie? Sending Kathleen Kennedy an email demanding answers.
News From the HoloNet
Star Wars – The Phantom Menace: still terrible after all these years?
The bad parts are still bad, the good parts are still good. I guess you can decide what the balance is.
How The Phantom Menace Predicted Hollywood’s Prequel Future
Oh sure, blame George because Hollywood is too scared to make anything original.
Star Wars has abandoned the prequel trilogy’s greatest gift: sick flips
This!!!!
Star Wars' Acolyte Teaser Makes "Force-Fu" As Cool As A Lightsaber Fight
Carrie-Anne Moss is basically doing Trinity as a Jedi but it still looks fun.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
Missed opportunity by Pepsi not to call it Maultain Dew.
I had about half of those Pepsi cans in my basement at one point but some of them burst at one point and I had to toss the whole set. 😡
I’m happy I found your newsletter after you commented on my margarita post! Always great to meet a fellow Star Wars fan. Have you seen the Republic of Tea’s Mandalorian themed teas? Another great example of Star Wars branding.