The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter: February 16, 2024
Star Wars is back on the big screen, we're almost to season 3 of The Bad Batch, Palpatine's love life, and a lot more.
Hello there
Happy only a few more days until season 3 of The Bad Batch for all those who celebrate. Welcome to this week’s edition of The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter. We’ve got a fun one this week. The Phantom Menace is coming back to the theaters, early reviews for The Bad Batch are starting to show up, Ian McDiarmid dishes on Palpatine’s love life, and I finish the second New Jedi Order book.
As always, if you like what’s going on here at Death Star HR, please forward this email or tell a friend. Now, let’s get to it!
This Is Where The Fun Begins
Hot new meme from the Super Swiftie Bowl just dropped:
I think I would have gone with just four lines of Wookiee speak in all caps, but this one works too.
Meesa Back In Da Thea-eaters!
It’s hard to believe, but this year is the 25th anniversary of The Phantom Menace. It’s cliche, but the world was a much different place. I plan to write a lot more about it as we get closer to the actual anniversary release date in May. But for now we got some big news that Darth Maul, Darth Jar Jar, and all the rest of the your favorite characters will be back on the big screen in a few months. As reported in Empire:
This May the 4th weekend (so, from Friday 3 May), The Phantom Menace will be re-released in cinemas for a limited time, meaning you can revisit all your favourite moments as large and loud as George Lucas intended.
Not only do we get to re-live the Boonta Eve Classic and hum along to “Duel of the Fates” on the big screen, we get a pretty cool new poster from artist Matt Ferguson.
I know there were a lot of fans who thought The Phantom Menace was a bigger pile of bantha poodoo than the one that Jar Jar stepped in. And maybe there’s some truth to their complaints, we can re-litigate the Prequels later. But it’s going to be Star Wars. On the big screen. Something we haven’t had in a while. It seems weird to say that since with Disney we had five movies in five years from 2015 - 2019, a pace completely unheard of when Lucasfilm was running the show. It seems likely there won’t be another new Star Wars movie until 2026 at the earliest. So if you want some lightsaber action in the theaters, this is going to be it. I won’t be there for a midnight showing like I did for TPM back in 1999, but I will for sure be at the theater. And it’s gonna be wizard.
The Bad Batch Is Actually The Good Batch
By the time you read this we will be less than one week away from the premiere of the third and final season of The Bad Batch. The latest we’ve seen is a quick clip of Crosshair and Omega still stuck in the Mount Tantiss cloning facility.
The Crosshair redemption story is coming and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.
The first eight episodes have been released to critics. Disney has been ignoring my increasingly pointed emails to them politely requesting and then demanding a screener, so all I can go off of is what other people are saying. And what they’re saying is good.
It does not appear any of the tweets in the linked Gizmodo article have any big spoilers. No real details revealed but if you are determined to stay as pure as the driven snow of Hoth before watching season 3, you may want to move along.
Without people giving away too much, the reactions certainly seem to be positive.
Besides the obvious Omega/Crosshair stories, it seems pretty likely we’re going to get a closer look into Palaptine’s cloning plans and just how he plans on cloning himself and everybody else that he can to keep the Empire going.
I think I mentioned this before, but are all the cloning plots based off Luke’s line to Obi-Wan in A New Hope about his father fighting in the Clone Wars?
I’m also a little surprised we haven’t seen more clips since the show does drop next Wednesday. In the weeks before Ahsoka, we were getting 3-4 new clips or trailers a week. It was tough to keep up. New theory. You can determine if a show is intended for the Normies or the Sickos based on how many trailers Disney drops. We saw plenty for Ahsoka, which meant they wanted the Normies to watch. We’ve only had two for The Bad Batch. That’s because they know the Sickos will tune in regardless. I’ll be back next week with a look at the first three episodes.
Emperor Palpatine? More Like Emperor Pervertine
Nobody:
Ian McDiarmid: Emperor Palpatine was out there getting freaky.
One of the best things about Star Wars, especially if you’re a Sicko, is the level of detail in all the stories. Even if they only appear for less than a second on the screen, a character can have a rich and compelling backstory in the novels or comics. It doesn’t even after to be a character. As we’ve seen each week in “From the Depths of Wookieepedia,” it can be something as simple as a belt or a magnetic lock that warrants an individual Wookieepedia entry.
In an interview with Empire1, McDiarmid was asked just how exactly he ended up with Rey as a granddaughter when Palpatine wasn’t even shown to have any romantic interests.
“Please don’t pursue that line too vigorously,” says McDiarmid. “But yes, he does [have sex]. It’s a horrible idea to think of Palpatine having sex in any shape or form. But then, of course, perhaps he didn’t.”
As the article goes on to note, per current canon (which can always change) Rey’s father Dathan was a failed strand-cast clone and not the biological offspring of Palpatine. How does McDiarmind explain this?
“Maybe it’s all to do with midi-chlorians – and don’t ask me what those are,” McDiarmid continues.
I’ve always kind of wondered how the actors feel when they get questions about midi-chlorians or the really obscure stuff from the comics that only the Sickos would know. Sure, McDiarmid has played Palpatine for decades and clearly enjoys it (or at least enjoys the paycheck) but he’s had plenty of other rolls. I feel like if I tried to ask him questions about the Darth Plagueis novel, he’d look at me like I was a little off. Kinda like this.
On the other hand, I am certainly looking forward to the day when Disney buys Cinemax and we get the new adult series Coruscant Nights: Palpatine After Dark.
The Death Star Human Resources Department Book Club: New Jedi Order #2
I’m for sure behind schedule to finish the New Jedi Order series this year. There’s 19 books and I’ve only finished two. I’m getting through these books slower than R2-D2 stuck in the Dragonsnake Bog.
Two books down, 17 to go.
Title: Dark Tide I: Onslaught
Series: New Jedi Order. Book #2
Author: Michael A. Stackpole
Date published: February, 2000
Pages: 292
Status: Legends
Summary in less than 20 words: The Vong are back, baby! And they ain’t messing around.
While Luke, Leia, Mara, Leia, Lando, and company (but not Chewie) managed to beat back the Yuuzhan Vong in the first book, the Vong haven’t gone anywhere. They’re still out there in the Outer Rim attacking planets and causing trouble. They invade and conquer Dubrillion, Lando’s planet. No, it’s not in the Lando System. To gather more intel and try to figure out exactly what the Vong are up to, the gang splits up, Scooby Doo style, to check out some Vong hotspots around the galaxy.
Luke and Jacen Solo head back to the ExGal facility on Belkadan, where the Vong first attacked. Anakin and Mara Jade go to Dantooine for some R & R so Mara can try to recover from her Vong-induced sickness. Jania Solo joins Rogue Squadron as an X-Wing pilot. And Jedi Knights Corran Horn and Ganner Rhysode take off to Bimmiel where they try to find some missing scientists that may have some information on the Yuuzhan Vong. They all find something to move the story along.
On Belkadan, Luke and Jacen find that the Vong are able to use their bio-tech to turn people into slaves, and they are using the slaves to grow their ships and weapons. Horn and Rhysode find that the group of scientists have recovered a body of a deceased Yuuzhan Vong. They also find the Vong and their slaves as well, looking for the body. And on Dantoonie, Anakin goes on a journey of self-discovery with Mara and learns that he’s been relying too much on the Force (I mean he is a Jedi) and that he might be better off learning how to do things himself instead of just relying on the Force. Jacen tries to battle two Vong warriors and gets himself captured, but Luke saves the day. Horn and Rhysode find the scientists and the Vong body, but then the Vong find them. Oh no!
Everything comes to a head on Dantoonie. Luke and Jacen arrive due to their having a Force vision. They arrive just in time to save Mara and Anakin from some Vong. Leia and her crew arrive because they’re bringing all the refugees from Dubrillion. The big end of book battle ensues. The New Republic have figured out some ways to use the Vong’s living technology against them and are able to defeat them. On Bimmiel, Horn and Rhysode rescue the scientists and fight the Vong. It looks like Horn is going to have to be a real Jedi and sacrifice himself to save everyone. but Rhysode comes back in the end to save him and prove that maybe he’s not such a jerk after all.
What worked:
It’s a solid Star Wars story that did a good job expanding the threat of the Vong. We’ve moved from one to several systems, and they’re clearly learning and adapting how to fight the New Republic.
I really liked Ganner Rhysode. He was a Jedi. But he was also an asshole. We need more Jedi that haven’t fallen to the Dark Side, but instead they’re just kind of arrogant jerks.
Both Anakin and Jacen got some new and much needed perspective on the Force and learned that maybe they didn’t have everything figured out the way they thought. Teenagers, am I right?
What didn’t:
Up until the last five pages, we got nothing from the Vong’s perspective. Like I said in my write up of the first book, I felt they were fairly one-dimensional, and that that book spent a good amount of time with the Vong. I want to know more about what makes them tick and this book didn’t have it.
I’m a little worried we’re just setting up the pattern of action for the remaining 17 books. Threat from the Vong. Things look dire. The New Republic finds a way to win. Rinse and repeat.
Wild card:
There’s no Han in the book because he’s too busy drinking his sorrows away over Chewie’s death. Can’t blame the guy.
Up next: Dark Tide II: Ruin. Sounds ominous.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
We’re going old school today and talking about everyone’s third favorite droid from A New Hope, 6Y-2KPR. You don’t know which droid I’m talking about? I’m shocked. Surely you have a favorite droid that’s shown for less than a second in the Jawa sandcrawler? While C-3PO and R2-D2 were sold to the Lars family and went on to have grand adventures, the fate of 6Y is unknown. At least until we get a six-episode streaming series. You know it’s coming.
News From the HoloNet
'Star Wars: The Acolyte' Sets Summer 2024 Release Window
No official date. But stay tuned to Death Star HR. I won’t be the first to know, but won’t be the last either.
Star Wars Most Anticipated Project Will Never Happen And That’s Great
I am OK with no KOTOR remake. Saves me from having to buy a Play Station.
Jawas dig San Antonio barbecue: Leilani Shiu of 'Mandalorian' tries 2M Smokehouse on Hero Con trip
Texas BBQ brisket and sausage is way better than the smoked Dewback you get in Mos Espa.
Star Wars Mace Windu Series: Will Samuel L. Jackson Return?
Spoiler alert. No. But Samuel L. Jackson wants Mace to come back. So do I.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
Feels like that would also be the title of a glossy lifestyle magazine in the Empire.