The Death Start Human Resources Department: May 3, 2024
Hello there
Happy May the 4th Eve to all those who celebrate! To celebrate the Star Wars high holy day this is just the first Death Star HR newsletter you’ll get this week. That’s right, there’s an extra-special May the 4th newsletter that will be hitting your inbox tomorrow. But first, we’ve got a lot here for a Friday. As I mentioned last week, I went on a podcast to talk about our favorite galaxy far far away. The Bad Batch series finale happened and Dave Filoni trolled us again. There’s a rundown of new Star Wars shows and movies. I become an art critic while Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan is a newsletter critic.
There’s been a bunch of new subscribers recently, so welcome! I really do appreciate everyone who signs up and reads this every week. If there’s a Star Wars fan in your life and wanted to send them this newsletter, that would be great. Now, let’s get to it.
This Is Where The Fun Begins
My favorite part of The Bad Batch series finale. Omega to Hunter:
If you’ve never seen Varsity Blues, well, it’s a movie that you could probably watch if you had nothing else to do. It is straight out of the late 90’s teen comedy cinematic universe. It is most notable for James Van Der Beek’s horrible Texas accent and the classic line when he tells his dad he doesn’t want to play football, he wants to be a nerd. And hence, he doesn’t want his dad’s life. It’s a line that Emperor’s #1 Fan and I say to each other way more often than we should. Someone wants to see a movie that the other one doesn’t? Only response is “I don’t want yer life.”
Death Star HR: Now With Audio & Video
Like I said last week, I was invited to go on The Brian Lennon Show for their May the 4th episode. Brian and Gary were awesome hosts who just let me ramble on about Darth Jar Jar.
Depending on what platform you’re reading this one, you may or may not see the preview and just to confirm, this is a video podcast. It’s worth watching if for no other reason than there’s a guest appearance by Darth Taco.
When we were talking, Brian mentioned that he had previously been a journalist in another career. One trick that lawyers, and journalists, do is they ask open ended questions. If it’s not a yes or no question, people will just keep talking. I’ve prepped witnesses for trial before and my main instruction is always not to volunteer any information. You answer your questions yes or no, and if extra explanation is required either I’ll ask for it, or if you’re being questioned by the opposing side, you keep the explanations as minimal as possible. Of course, when given the chance to rattle on about Star Wars, I’m going to take it and run with it.
Anyway, please watch the podcast, it was a lot of fun. And sign up for their newsletter/podcast.
Dave Filoni is a Master Troll, Pt 2
So unfortunately due to some real world commitments, my thoughts on the series finale are going to be pushed back until next week. I know you, the reader, expect a certainly level of quality here at Death Star HR which I occasionally live up to. So, pushing it off a week I’m going to have the chance to rewatch it and put my thoughts together. But, there is one piece I want to talk about. And that’s CX-2, one of the bad Clones.
You guys remember the Marrok Mania? Back in the summer of 2022? A topic that I even wrote about way back in the very first Death Star HR that I released upon the world. When the Ahsoka trailer dropped, we had dude in all black wielding what appeared to be an Inquisitor’s lightsaber. The internet went mad trying to figure out just who this dude was. The popular pick was Ezra Bridger. Other picks were Mara Jade, Starkiller, Luuke Skywalker, and a bunch of others that I can’t recall off the top of my head. Marrok had his own clickbait economy. And in the end, nobody guessed correctly. Although I bet there’s one guy on Reddit who said Marrok was a Nightbrother and got downvoted into oblivion and is now plotting his revenge.
I’ve said before that Grand Moff Dave Filoni is one of us. He’s not an O.G. Lucasfilm guy from the 70’s. He was a fan first and then got a job. He knows how Star Wars fans think. And there is zero doubt in my mind that he knows a mysterious masked figure will send the Sickos into overdrive trying to figure out who it is.
It happened again in The Bad Batch. Once Imperial Clone CX-2 showed up, the internet debated whether or not it was (allegedly) deceased Clone Force 99 member, Tech. The nerd of the crew. There were two reasons. First, Tech’s body was never discovered, just his glasses. Second, the show spent a lot of time on CX-2, seemingly establishing him as an important part of Dr. Hemlock’s operation. As recently as two weeks ago I said I thought it was going to be Tech. Although I also said I was hoping it wasn’t Tech. Let the dead stay dead.
Once again, we were collectively tricked. CX-2 returned for the series finale, but it wasn’t Tech. He was just a Clone that Hemlock turned into part of special forces in case things really went sideways. No doubt Dave Filoni is just laughing at all of us Sickos when we realized he got us again. I'll never make assumptions about a cool looking masked Star Wars character again. At least until the next show comes out.
Twice The Tales Trailers
One more day until Tale of the Empire drops on May 4th. We’ve got two new quick teaser trailers for you.
Vader! Lightsabers! Inquisitors! Whole lot of Dark Side action going on.
If you are given the opportunity to join the Dark Side, you take it!
Prepare Your Eyeballs for Upcoming Star Wars Shows
I do these every once in a while. A quick run down on what we know is coming out on the big and small screen in the galaxy far, far away.
Movies:
Star Wars has confirmed 3 upcoming movie dates. May 22, 2016, December 18, 2026, and December 17, 2027.
The only movie with a confirmed release date is The Mandalorian and Grogu with a release date of May 22, 2026. It seems very likely it will replace season 4 of The Mandalorian. I was going to comment it wouldn’t surprise me to see it pushed up to a May the 4th release, but May 22th leads into Memorial Day weekend so it seems like they’ll keep it there to maximize ticket sales.
Rey’s New Jedi Order movie. As mentioned above, Daisy Ridley is back and Rey is rebuilding the Jedi Order. I don’t think it’s considered a sequel to The Rise of Skywalker, rather an offshort of Rey’s story. Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy is directing. If I had to guess, this will be the December 2026 movie.
The Dawn of the Jedi. Directed by James Mangold the movie is going to explore the earliest Jedi and the origins of the Force. Not to be confused with Legends book “Dawn of the Jedi” by Tim Lesson.
Heir to the Empire. I don’t know that the title for Dave Filoni’s movie has been confirmed, but it’s been floating around the internet for a while. Supposedly it will be the capstone of the Filoni-verse with Mando, Ahsoka, Thrawn, and company. I would not expect this one until 2028 at the earliest, given that it’s thought Mando season 4 (or the movie) and season 2 of Ahsoka need to be released into the world first.
Those four movies seem the most likely to me that they’ll actually make it to completion and we’ll get to go see them in the theaters. There are a bunch of other movies that are confirmed or at least confirmedish, for now, but who knows if they will stay that way.
Rogue Squadron. Much like Emperor Palpatine, the Patty Jenkins directed Rogue Squadron was brought back from the dead. I almost put this movie in the above, really sure it will happen category but it’s already been left for dead once.
Lando. Another one like Rogue Squadron that was left for dead only to come back to life. Original writer Justin Simien is out. Donald Glover and his brother Stephen are in. The format has switched from TV show to movie.
Taika Waititi's Star Wars movie. Not going to make that late 2023 release date, I guess. I’m a fan of Waititi and have pitched a Star Wars/What We Do In The Shadows crossover idea. But this is one that I’ll believe it when I see it.
Rian Johnson’s trilogy. I know there is a small but loud section of the Star Wars fanbase who hates Rian Johnson because of The Last Jedi. I’m not one of those people. I don’t think The Last Jedi is the best Disney Star Wars movie. But it certainly is the most daring. It’s one thing to say the Jedi suck in a videogame or book that only the Sickos are going to play or read. It’s another thing to say it in a blockbuster movie that Disney wants the Normies to see. But like Waititi, Johnson is a busy man. This is another one that I’ll believe it when I see it.
Shawn Levy’s Star Wars movie. Could happen. Season 5 of Stranger Things along with Deadpool and Wolverine and maybe Deadpool 3 are on Levy’s plate as well. Side note, how is Stranger Things still going on? I feel like those kids are now old enough to have a mid-life crisis in the Upside Down.
There isn’t as much intrigue about TV shows. No real will they or won’t they ones outside of the animated series A Droid Story which was announced in 2020 and I don’t believe has any any updates, or way or the other, ever since. Otherwise we have:
Tales of the Empire. Will be out the day after you read this. Or maybe the day you read this if you wait until Saturday.
The Acolyte. The High Republic-era show that will be released June 4th of this year.
Skeleton Crew. I’ve seen it described as Star Wars meets The Goonies. Probably would have been out last year but for the Hollywood strikes. It has been confirmed for a 2024 release, probably fall/winter.
Andor season 2. The show finished filming earlier this year. Stellan Skarsgård has said it could be a late 2024 or early 2025 release. I would guess the latter.
Ahsoka season 2. Back in January when we got a teaser tweet it just said in development. I would guess 2026 at the earliest. Maybe later. Probably depends on if the plot is directly tied to the Mando and Grogu movie.
There you have it, let me know if there’s anything I missed or anything you’re particularly excited for.
Things My Wife Has Said About Star Wars
Reading last week’s bit in which I attempted a Taylor Swift/Star Wars crossover.
“The venn diagram of Taylor Swift fans and people who read your newsletter is just one.”
Thankfully, I just shake her comments off. After all, the haters are going to in fact hate hate hate.
Great Moments in Star Wars Merchandise
So last Sunday I was out “antiquing” and while browsing, I found this.
As I’m snapping a picture, the artist comes up and introduces himself. Tyagi Schwartz, proprietor of Lamp Cowboy and Star Wars fan told me the one above is titled “Obi-Wan…We’ve got to talk.” It’s the 5th in a series that he’s done. I kinda want it. If suddenly Death Star HR has a paywall, it means I have a sculpture to buy.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
We’ve got a real rando this week, the Downed Rebel Pilot. I probably don’t need to explain the gist of said pilot, but in case you need it cleared up.
This Rebel pilot was an X-wing pilot who crash-landed on Tatooine. When approached by Imperial stormtroopers, the pilot surrendered, but was killed nonetheless. A group of Jawas later stole the pilot's X-wing and used it to steal a TIE Advanced starfighter from a trio of salvagers.
Might be the first time a group of Stormtroopers actually managed to hit what they were shooting at.
News From the HoloNet
Star Wars’ Billie Lourd Would “Do Anything” to Reunite With Rose Tico
Make it happen!
Michigan’s ‘Star Wars’ inspired Mos Eisley Cantina is about to open for business
Come on, everyone knows Indiana is the real hive of scum and villainy.
The Acolyte Star Manny Jacinto Calls His Star Wars Fashion 'Hobbit Meets Poverty'
I love the idea of Jason Mendoza in the Star Wars universe.
10 Years Ago Today, Star Wars Changed Forever
Going to write about this next week. It’s been 10 years since a Star Destroyer with Mouse ears came across our screens.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
I was super bummed with the lack of reveal with CX-2. I really thought that there was going to be some sort of reveal. I didn't get caught last time with Ahsoka. I didn't really expect any reveal from him. This time I got got good! I was convinced that CX-2 was going to be Cody. We saw Wolfe show up earlier and something in the back of my mind said that they were going to bring Cody back too. Then have a confrontation with Rex. Then Rex would have to try and deprogram his old partner. I audibly sighed, "Aww man," When they just left CX-2 literally hanging! But what can yah do, it was a pretty good season finale at least.